Check-in 3

Being a senior is far more exhausting than I had expected. The closer I get to graduation the more I want to take a quick jaunt in time to my freshman year anxiety and be like "do you even lift?"

Now, freshman year was a tough time, and is a tough time for everyone, but honestly my freshman year was a walk in the park when it comes down to how much work there is to do for me right now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing and what my life is like right now and I have a strict policy about time travel anyway, but I also sometimes miss the days where I had time to actually read a book that wasn't for work or class.

Speaking of class, I turned in my annotated bibliography and about 4 pages of analysis on specific portions of my research. The bibliography took much more time than it should have. I was struggling for a while to find sources, because I simply haven't done a large research paper since last fall. That isn’t to say I forgot how - trust me when it comes to working a database or pulling from the stacks I've still got it - I just needed a little adjustment to get back into the searching and skimming mindset. I also am 110% grateful that I have a carrel this semester because dealing with all of my library books otherwise would be a nightmare. Between my Sor Juana research, my poetry course having 8 textbooks, my pragmatics research and the fact that my Greek book is bigger and more complicated than Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix I would have snapped my back in half by now.

I'm still debating what I want to do for my research project for my pragmatics course, but I think I have settled on something to do with the differences in the use of 'se' in Spanish, the 'se' impersonal and 'se' passive in particular. I'll be using Harry Potter: La Colección Completa as a source of corpus data, which should work well enough for a class project. Plus this means I get to read Harry Potter (and by read I mean Ctrl+f the word 'se' and ignore reflexives) for homework!

I do like my regular readings too though, we just finished up Petrarch, who was a nice read after Ovid and Catullus, who were a bit too raunchy with their love poetry for my taste. Still didn't quite enjoy him as much as Sappho, but that's neither here nor there. Every poet has their own style, and reading things in translation also confuses things.

I'm going to cut this post off here because have a test tomorrow that is worth 10% of my grade, so I've been studying hard for that, even though I do feel slightly unprepared given everything else I've had to do this week. My stress levels have been pretty high lately, so I think I'm going to make myself a nice cuppa and review my flashcards before getting a good night's rest.

Cheers,
Talia

Falling in Love...

... with books.

Ever since I learned how to read, I loved it. There was something about that turning of the page, that dark text on paper, the curves of A to the sharpness of Z, as soon as I learned how it was the only thing I wanted to do. I was that awkward person in the corner of the party who would rather read about friendships than have them. That isn't to say that I never had friends, I just tended to like my books a little bit better. My childhood was definitely one of a reading nerd.

All this is very well and good, right up until I started University. To jump topics, my very first day at Middlebury this summer my professor for Oral and Written Spanish said this about our coursework: "No es difícil, es mucho." Now I'm not sure I agree; for one thing quantity preludes difficulty, but I digress. The thing about college is that there is so much to do, every second of every day there is a new experience, or at least an essay due at midnight and late-night cookie deliveries. I spent the eve of my 19th birthday writing an essay, and when I finished at 3am I went to brush my teeth and noticed the entire hall had signed a happy birthday poster that was written in Harry Potter font using a purple Sharpie.

In my cultures class at Middlebury we spoke about "La Movida Madrileña" and my professor quoted someone (I don't remember who it was) saying that in Spain no one slept, because there was so much that they had the liberty to do once Franco's regime had ended. Brandeis isn't exactly recently-liberated Spain, but I still never sleep.

All this is to say, I am a busy individual. Reading, which got my whole life was an escape, somehow became a chore. As a Comparative Literature major with minors in creative writing and classical studies I've had to read a lot. Even my other major, linguistics, for all that it is a science has had a hefty amount of reading. Once I finish that Literature essay at 3 am the only thing I want to do is brush my teeth and sleep, not pick up another book.

Feeling this way hasn't been comfortable to me, and for all that I enjoy college in that small way I haven't been happy in the thing that I love.

Thankfully, my love in reading has been rekindled once more, but it's not with Harry Potter this time, it's with Isabel Allende. It was "Eva Luna" (in the original Spanish of course; I wasn't allowed English this summer) that reminded me that reading is fun and I'm happy to have had my experience at Middlebury, because I've fallen in love with reading again, and that's wonderful.

Finding Poetry in Potter

As this is being posted, present Talia is at the Midlebury Language Schools. In the meantime, I (Past Talia) shall tell you about one of the projects I did at MISTI-Con. There were lots of awesome panels and people and it was just genuine fun, but one I particularly enjoyed was 'Finding Poetry in Potter' were we were given chapters of Harry Potter books that were separated from the bindings (which was a bit painful to see) and we proceeded to cross out random words so that we could create poems. This has been a tradition for some time, and while it hurt to maul the book in such a way, it was kinda fun too. Both of my poems were from Chapter 22 of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban and since I messed up using the sharpie and changed the conjugations of some of the words, I am not going to post the pictures. I have typed up the results though, and so you can enjoy them below.

P.S. 

Is it my fault? Excited,

keeping him uncertain?

Surprised, do'you reckon?

"He's mine," I read and reread,

stepping back from the barrier,

suspicions confirmed

(in his usual fashion)

snarling, staring, clutching.

Forever unhappy.

Dignified Disapproval

It was addessed "Dear."

I hope this finds you

I don't know whether

you're used to hiding.

I won't tell you,

in case this falls

into the wrong hands.

Some doubt the best

I believe they haven't a hope.

There something I

never got around

to telling you.

It was I, who seemed

to think it was worth

the fright.

I had only hoped

to catch a glimpse

before starting

my journey.

But I think the sight

of me closed something.

Send word.

And I will give it all.

Happily.

Feel free to share these with anyone you think would enjoy them, but I would appreciate credit for my creative efforts. 

Cheers,
Talia

Note: Because of an accident in the publishing schedule for this blog, this was posted on tumblr on June 20th, instead of my Bread Loaf Evaluations post.

Pens, or Bravery, Depending on Your Point of View

I am currently studying at Middlebury Language Schools. This post (including the title, but not this paragraph) is a transcription of a journal entry from 2:50AM on January the 3rd 2015. Spelling and grammatical mistakes in all. 

I used to write in pen ALL the time. I absolutely could not stand pencils. And somewhere along the way, I stopped writing in pen. Writing in pen takes a sort of bravery you don't need when writing with a pencil. With a pencil you can erase any mistakes. With a pen you have to face them. I think the reason I stopped using pens was because I stopped being brave. But I want to be brave again. I like bravery. It doesn’t quite suit me just yet, but give it time. I've started using pens again for one. It’s a small act of bravery, but it is one. And I think its permanent. The ink on this page is never leaving. It glistens, and helps show the world that I am unafraid of my mistakes. They don't need to be covered up or erased. And it places power in my hands. The power to do better. When mistakes aren't erasable we take more care not to make them. And that's a worthy goal? Isn’t it? I'd like to think so. And I'd also like to think that 2015 will be a year of less mistakes than 2014, that It will better my life. My, my, the things that cross your mind in the wee hours. I am lost without myself. The only way to find her is to be brave, to find my inner Gryffindor. I may be a Slytherin, but I am ambitious enough to know that bravery is an asset, and one I am foolish to deny myself of. So today is my day. The day I decided to be brave. 

01/03/2015 2:50AM

-Talia E. Franks

MISTI-Con 2017 Thoughts

I had an exciting time at MISTI-Con last weekend, these three posts chronicle my time pre, mid and post MISTI-Con 2017.

Pre-MISTI

I'm sitting on a bus, on my way to MISTI-Con, and I am nervous. While I have been to conventions before, both big and small, but this is different. This will be the first year that I am going to a convention alone. The last time I went to MISTI-Con I was only there with a day pass, and I was only there for a few of the daytime hours. This time it's a whole new ball game. I will be there for the entirety of the convention, and I will be going solo. It's no secret that I love Harry Potter. I've got over 90 copies of Harry Potter books, I've got robes and ties and scarves and cauldrons. I listen to wizard rock, and read fanfiction.

Yet I still feel like there is something missing.

I've started blogging for a few reasons, to increase my writing skill, to share my ideas, to 'put my name out there' as it were. The main reason however is that I miss the internet. There was a time when I had podcasts memorized (I could recognize people by voice alone) I was as dialed in like you wouldn't believe. Then I started college, and classes took over pretty much everything. I still loved Harry Potter; but I had to adjust my focus. I still wandered; I've had several classes where my essays have been about Harry Potter, still I feel that I have lost my way with the fandom.

I love the community, but especially since last year I feel like I've come away from it. At the end of spring semester 2016, a little over a year ago, I got a very serious concussion. I've since been re-concussed and I still suffer from a few lingering symptoms, one of which is an aversion to screens. It gets better every day, but it means that at times like these, where I am writing a post on a moving vehicle, I am probably going to have to stop soon so that I don't make myself sick. Due to my injury, I did not finish my coursework for the Spring semester until the beginning of the fall semester. Last winter break was the first time that I went without homework for almost a year, and that was itself a short break.

So now that I am on summer vacation, it feels very strange to not have any work to do. Of course, I say this as I head to a convention, so it isn't like I'm not going to be busy. Between the convention and the translators' conference and my trip abroad and my family vacation and my 7 weeks at Middlebury, I'm going to be very busy. That's part of the issue, though isn't it? I've got almost no free time for the entirety of the summer. Some might think that a bad thing, but I disagree. For me, free time is extraordinarily difficult. I must always keep myself busy, or else I go mad.  (And I don’t even have a box!)

Mid-MISTI

So, this is the winding down of my third day at MISTI. I'm a bit incredulous that I once thought I would be going this alone. The theme of this MISTI is "Coming Home," and that's what this feels like. I'm so comfortable here, and everyone I have met has been a genuine joy to interact with. I'm so glad I came here and that I am spending time with these amazing people, who really do feel like family. I have high levels of anxiety, so the fact that I can feel so at home here is a testament to how welcoming our community really is. I've loved the panels and events that I have been to, and I am currently having the time of my life. I ended up missing the wizard rock shows, which was disappointing, but if there is one thing I have learned from cons it's that I can't do everything. In that respect, it's not that different from classes. If I'm being honest I think we'd all benefit from time-turners.

I've learned so much already, from people running panels and audience alike. Everything from the importance of the paper you use with publishing, to Scorbus head canons, to Harry Potter as Therapy. I've participated in trivia, seen Snape with a guitar, found poetry in on page 434(PoA) and seen examples of Harry Potter as social justice. I marvel at the fact that I am here and that I am so lucky, and I am humbled at the privilege this gives me, to be able to do these things and meet these people and have such a good time in life. I'm happier than I have been in a long time, and I imagine that in the future I will look back and smile.

To cross fandoms on you, I solemnly swear that in this moment I feel infinite.

Post-MISTI

Wow. These past few days have been some of the most awesome I've had in a good long while. The people in this fandom are so genuinely kind and it honestly was a whole other world. Moving my hotel to one on-site really did make an enormous difference. All my time at MISTI was excellent, but being with everyone so closely was a distinct experience, and one for the better. MISTI-Con 2019 is going to be in a new venue, and while I do love the Margate location, I understand. As someone who was both away from and staying with the convention I can confirm that while I loved it all, I was happiest with everyone else. There are so many things I could say about this amazing experience, but I think I'll stick with two words ― Thank You.

Feeling Thankful

I received some exciting news yesterday. I have been admitted to the Master of Arts Program in Comparative Humanities (B.A./M.A. Program for Brandeis Undergraduates) for the 2018-2019 academic year. This is an amazing opportunity for me, and I am very excited for it. The fact that I got into a graduate school program before I finished undergrad is astonishing for me.

Honestly, I never thought I would get this far in life, but I have, and I'm happy here. Imposter Syndrome is real, and although I sometimes have it, I have also realized that I am qualified, and I can do the things that I aspire to. Now that I have come this far, I'm starting to think of ways to give back. I have had so much support from my family, friends, professors, colleagues and more. I know that I would not be here without them. As I look towards my future, I am considering the best ways that I can contribute to the community that I rose from, and how to help other communities grow. If anyone has suggestions, or knows about meaningful causes I'd like to hear about them.

The Weapon we have is love.

Cheers,
Talia

More about the program:
The BA/MA track of the Master of Arts Program in Comparative Humanities (MACH) allows current Brandeis undergraduates to begin the program and join the MACH community in their senior year. The program explores major themes of human experience using comparative and cross-cultural approaches. The program is a means by which to hone research interests, develop communication skills, and gain credentials for a professional career or further graduate studies. It provides opportunities for professional development, intellectual advancement, and preparation for doctoral studies.

Forgetting

I forgot how to write an essay. It's always like this, I get my sources, I prepare, and then it comes to the blinking line on a freshly opened word document, and I freeze. How do I write an essay? What are words? How do I form thoughts, oh my goodness seven whole pages I'll die. Shaking in my worn out sneakers, panic. Breathe, I have to breathe and focus because I actually know a fair bit about both Harry Potter and Mythology so what makes me so scared? It isn't the grade, because I was fine with the test last week and I haven't worried about it. I think it's the writing. Every time I sit down to write I remind myself that this is what I want to do, what I am good at, but another part of me screams that everything I put to paper is shit and I will fail out of life.

Okay maybe it is a little bit about the grade.

But that doesn't mean it isn't also more. It's the idea of commitment. Dedicating myself to a topic, weighing myself down. But what is a commitment?

It's much easier to say that you are going to do something than to actually do it. But is a commitment really a commitment if you don't see it through?

Sometimes I wonder.

And I think (I know) that I spend so much time in love with the idea of doing that I lose focus on the present. I am consumed by my future, constantly reaching for that fruit just out of my reach, I am holding up a world that doesn't need holding and with a hush I let go and nothing happens but I don't know, I can't know that everything will be alright. Nothing feels alright, it feels broken, I feel broken and that love I put into the present seeps into the future. My future. Don't give up what you want the most for what you want in the moment, but when is my moment? When will what I want arrive? Will I ever be satisfied?

Bellerophon

On Thursday our topic in Classical Mythology was Bellerophon.

Bellerophon was one of the Heroes of Ancient Greek myth, and his story is particularly important because it covers what happens to him after all of his trials are over and he settles down into his life post-heroic deeds.

To give you some back story on Bellerophon, we first have to clarify that he was the one with the Pegasus. This is going to be a multiple choice question on the test and if we select Perseus instead we will get marked wrong. The pained look on my Professor's face when Heracles was mentioned was slightly hilarious and he adamantly told us he would not be making him an option.*

Moving forward, Bellerophon is actually really interesting. Reportedly, an ancient hero equal at some points in Greek history to Perseus and Cadmus, he was the classic hero type: kills the monster and gets the princess.

If you are interested in more details about Bellerophon, here are a few of my class notes, but feel free to skip them:

Bellerophon in Homer

• In Illiad 6, the Trojan ally Glaukos meets Diomedes on the field
• Glaukos' ancestor Bellerophon lived in Argos
• The king Proetus hated him because of his wife
• Anteia wanted to have sex with Bellerophon, but he wouldn't
• Proetus sent Bellerophon to Lykia with a sealed message to give to the king who was Anteia's father Iobates
• The message said to kill him

Potiphar's Wife

• Potiphar's Wife Motif: the adulterous wife who turns on her desired lover
• Genesis 39-40
• Joseph, sold into slavery, was purchased by an Egyptian officer named Potiphar
• Potiphar made him overseer of the house
• His wife asked him to sleep with her, but he refused
• She told Potiphar that Joseph tried to rape her
• Joseph ended up in prison where his dream interpretations attracted the attentions of the Pharaoh

Bellerophon's Deeds

• Iobates cannot kill Bellerophon because of their guest-host relationship, so he sent Bellerophon on one-way missions
• to kill the Chimaera
• to fight the Solymoi
• to battle the Amazons
• He set an ambush for him, but Bellerophon defeated the best men
• Iobates had him marry his daughter and rule with him in Lykia
• According to Homer, Bellerophon fell out of favor with the gods for no specified reason

Eventually, Bellerophon tries to ride the Pegasus up to Mt. Olympus to become a god, but this is reaching to far so the Pegasus betrays him and Zeus strikes him down with a lightning bolt.

I enjoy the tale of Bellerophon for many reasons, but primarily because of the two questions I feel it raises most clearly:

1. What does it mean to "reach too far"?
2. What happens to the hero after the fight is over?

As for the first, in class my Professor stated something along the lines of: "What is the line between telling people that they can 'be whatever they want to be' (which is a lie) and 'stay in your lane'?" This is a super interesting question for me, because there is undoubtedly a line there, and one that is particularly precarious, especially when raising children.~

It brings me back to Harry Potter, among other things. Take Voldemort for example. He was so obsessed with becoming immortal that he dies at the mere age of 71, where if he had simply lived the long life that wizards tend to get then he would have made it into his hundreds.

To stop and think through our actions and their affects can be difficult for people, and thinking that we can help ourselves and others to rise up in the world can sometimes be our downfall. It's an important lesson, and one that I value. It is also a lesson that I learned from Bellerophon, when reading the myths as a kid. So this story is important to me in that way, and also in the sense of the second question I have.

Stories tend to end right after the battle ends, after the lovers admit their true love to one another, as a family is miraculously reunited and so forth. But what happens to the heroes after the battles are over, they attain their desired lover, etc.? They get their happily ever after, but what does that mean? If you have read/seen Harry Potter and the Cursed Child you know that according to the play, Harry settles into middle age and not super successfully raising his kids. And with Bellerophon we see that he gets bored and causes trouble, leading to his death.

My Professor brought up the stereotypical rules that many (myself included) are told to play: Primary School, Secondary School, then the optional sets of College, Grad School, Employment, Marriage, Kids, Retirement - then what? What is there to do once you have crossed the benchmarks of life?

Now these things are by no means necessary. Many people that I know have either rejected this path, or done it out of order, or intend not to follow it at all. But in the end, whatever benchmarks we set for ourselves, there is an after.° And I think that the prospect of this is terrifying, because although the sense of relaxation can be good, there is that saying that 'Idle hands are the devil's workshop.' When it is all said and done, I don't know why Bellerophon wanted to be immortal, because honestly an eternity of boredom is what I would expect. Then again, I'm a bit of a pessimist.

Cheers,
Talia

*Apologizes to the Disney fans but that movie was so inaccurate that a drinking game could give you alcohol poisoning.

~Which I'm not, but I have lots of younger cousins.

°Unless we die, but I'm trying to stay positive here.