Past Thoughts on Writing

I am currently studying at Middlebury Language Schools. This post (not including this paragraph or the title) is excerpted from a journal entry from  7:17 PM on Wednesday the 8th 2017, just a couple hours after the first ever post on this blog. Spelling and grammatical mistakes included. 

It's not that I'm finding writing particularly difficult these days, it's that the writing I am doing feels difficult for me. I struggle with being  able to grasp certain topics because I am not  entirely sure about how they interact with my own self and how I view the world. My  issue is I think, entirely dependent on the fact that my world view is fractured in ways that  is difficult for even myself to understand. The way that I move in the world has been changed, utterly and that is a really scary thing for me. My opinions, thoughts, points of strength are all things that I have stood by and that are now falling away. I really do wonder  if a past version of myself would recognize  me as who I am now. And I certainly would  not want to be my past self. And I do not think I would wish to be my present self were  it not that the future is so uncertain I  find it hard to contemplate.

Pens, or Bravery, Depending on Your Point of View

I am currently studying at Middlebury Language Schools. This post (including the title, but not this paragraph) is a transcription of a journal entry from 2:50AM on January the 3rd 2015. Spelling and grammatical mistakes in all. 

I used to write in pen ALL the time. I absolutely could not stand pencils. And somewhere along the way, I stopped writing in pen. Writing in pen takes a sort of bravery you don't need when writing with a pencil. With a pencil you can erase any mistakes. With a pen you have to face them. I think the reason I stopped using pens was because I stopped being brave. But I want to be brave again. I like bravery. It doesn’t quite suit me just yet, but give it time. I've started using pens again for one. It’s a small act of bravery, but it is one. And I think its permanent. The ink on this page is never leaving. It glistens, and helps show the world that I am unafraid of my mistakes. They don't need to be covered up or erased. And it places power in my hands. The power to do better. When mistakes aren't erasable we take more care not to make them. And that's a worthy goal? Isn’t it? I'd like to think so. And I'd also like to think that 2015 will be a year of less mistakes than 2014, that It will better my life. My, my, the things that cross your mind in the wee hours. I am lost without myself. The only way to find her is to be brave, to find my inner Gryffindor. I may be a Slytherin, but I am ambitious enough to know that bravery is an asset, and one I am foolish to deny myself of. So today is my day. The day I decided to be brave. 

01/03/2015 2:50AM

-Talia E. Franks