Check-in 3

Being a senior is far more exhausting than I had expected. The closer I get to graduation the more I want to take a quick jaunt in time to my freshman year anxiety and be like "do you even lift?"

Now, freshman year was a tough time, and is a tough time for everyone, but honestly my freshman year was a walk in the park when it comes down to how much work there is to do for me right now. Don't get me wrong, I love what I'm doing and what my life is like right now and I have a strict policy about time travel anyway, but I also sometimes miss the days where I had time to actually read a book that wasn't for work or class.

Speaking of class, I turned in my annotated bibliography and about 4 pages of analysis on specific portions of my research. The bibliography took much more time than it should have. I was struggling for a while to find sources, because I simply haven't done a large research paper since last fall. That isn’t to say I forgot how - trust me when it comes to working a database or pulling from the stacks I've still got it - I just needed a little adjustment to get back into the searching and skimming mindset. I also am 110% grateful that I have a carrel this semester because dealing with all of my library books otherwise would be a nightmare. Between my Sor Juana research, my poetry course having 8 textbooks, my pragmatics research and the fact that my Greek book is bigger and more complicated than Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix I would have snapped my back in half by now.

I'm still debating what I want to do for my research project for my pragmatics course, but I think I have settled on something to do with the differences in the use of 'se' in Spanish, the 'se' impersonal and 'se' passive in particular. I'll be using Harry Potter: La Colección Completa as a source of corpus data, which should work well enough for a class project. Plus this means I get to read Harry Potter (and by read I mean Ctrl+f the word 'se' and ignore reflexives) for homework!

I do like my regular readings too though, we just finished up Petrarch, who was a nice read after Ovid and Catullus, who were a bit too raunchy with their love poetry for my taste. Still didn't quite enjoy him as much as Sappho, but that's neither here nor there. Every poet has their own style, and reading things in translation also confuses things.

I'm going to cut this post off here because have a test tomorrow that is worth 10% of my grade, so I've been studying hard for that, even though I do feel slightly unprepared given everything else I've had to do this week. My stress levels have been pretty high lately, so I think I'm going to make myself a nice cuppa and review my flashcards before getting a good night's rest.

Cheers,
Talia

MISTI-Con 2017 Thoughts

I had an exciting time at MISTI-Con last weekend, these three posts chronicle my time pre, mid and post MISTI-Con 2017.

Pre-MISTI

I'm sitting on a bus, on my way to MISTI-Con, and I am nervous. While I have been to conventions before, both big and small, but this is different. This will be the first year that I am going to a convention alone. The last time I went to MISTI-Con I was only there with a day pass, and I was only there for a few of the daytime hours. This time it's a whole new ball game. I will be there for the entirety of the convention, and I will be going solo. It's no secret that I love Harry Potter. I've got over 90 copies of Harry Potter books, I've got robes and ties and scarves and cauldrons. I listen to wizard rock, and read fanfiction.

Yet I still feel like there is something missing.

I've started blogging for a few reasons, to increase my writing skill, to share my ideas, to 'put my name out there' as it were. The main reason however is that I miss the internet. There was a time when I had podcasts memorized (I could recognize people by voice alone) I was as dialed in like you wouldn't believe. Then I started college, and classes took over pretty much everything. I still loved Harry Potter; but I had to adjust my focus. I still wandered; I've had several classes where my essays have been about Harry Potter, still I feel that I have lost my way with the fandom.

I love the community, but especially since last year I feel like I've come away from it. At the end of spring semester 2016, a little over a year ago, I got a very serious concussion. I've since been re-concussed and I still suffer from a few lingering symptoms, one of which is an aversion to screens. It gets better every day, but it means that at times like these, where I am writing a post on a moving vehicle, I am probably going to have to stop soon so that I don't make myself sick. Due to my injury, I did not finish my coursework for the Spring semester until the beginning of the fall semester. Last winter break was the first time that I went without homework for almost a year, and that was itself a short break.

So now that I am on summer vacation, it feels very strange to not have any work to do. Of course, I say this as I head to a convention, so it isn't like I'm not going to be busy. Between the convention and the translators' conference and my trip abroad and my family vacation and my 7 weeks at Middlebury, I'm going to be very busy. That's part of the issue, though isn't it? I've got almost no free time for the entirety of the summer. Some might think that a bad thing, but I disagree. For me, free time is extraordinarily difficult. I must always keep myself busy, or else I go mad.  (And I don’t even have a box!)

Mid-MISTI

So, this is the winding down of my third day at MISTI. I'm a bit incredulous that I once thought I would be going this alone. The theme of this MISTI is "Coming Home," and that's what this feels like. I'm so comfortable here, and everyone I have met has been a genuine joy to interact with. I'm so glad I came here and that I am spending time with these amazing people, who really do feel like family. I have high levels of anxiety, so the fact that I can feel so at home here is a testament to how welcoming our community really is. I've loved the panels and events that I have been to, and I am currently having the time of my life. I ended up missing the wizard rock shows, which was disappointing, but if there is one thing I have learned from cons it's that I can't do everything. In that respect, it's not that different from classes. If I'm being honest I think we'd all benefit from time-turners.

I've learned so much already, from people running panels and audience alike. Everything from the importance of the paper you use with publishing, to Scorbus head canons, to Harry Potter as Therapy. I've participated in trivia, seen Snape with a guitar, found poetry in on page 434(PoA) and seen examples of Harry Potter as social justice. I marvel at the fact that I am here and that I am so lucky, and I am humbled at the privilege this gives me, to be able to do these things and meet these people and have such a good time in life. I'm happier than I have been in a long time, and I imagine that in the future I will look back and smile.

To cross fandoms on you, I solemnly swear that in this moment I feel infinite.

Post-MISTI

Wow. These past few days have been some of the most awesome I've had in a good long while. The people in this fandom are so genuinely kind and it honestly was a whole other world. Moving my hotel to one on-site really did make an enormous difference. All my time at MISTI was excellent, but being with everyone so closely was a distinct experience, and one for the better. MISTI-Con 2019 is going to be in a new venue, and while I do love the Margate location, I understand. As someone who was both away from and staying with the convention I can confirm that while I loved it all, I was happiest with everyone else. There are so many things I could say about this amazing experience, but I think I'll stick with two words ― Thank You.

Imposter Syndrome

I think I did terribly on my last Semantics assignment. Granted, I feel that whenever I turn in any assignment it's terrible (Imposter Syndrome anyone?) but I'm actually pretty scared for the outcome. You see, the problem is that I understood the assignment and what all the questions were asking. Not to mention that I think I came up with satisfactory answers and stated them well. 

So obviously I'm going to fail the assignment. 

Yes, I know that what I said makes no sense, and no that does not change my mind.  

This is the thing about living with anxiety. No matter how well I am doing I constantly wait for something to screw up, because of course then it will and I will be sad and miserable and wail that I brought this upon myself. (I'm a drama queen, just go with it)* To be fair, the whole point of saying this is that I do bring these things on myself. If one expects to fail, they probably will. If I keep worrying about things, I'll never get anything done. Hence, I just submitted my homework and went along on my merry business. Voice in the back of my head is still saying I'm going to fail, but I'm not going to worry about it. As Newt Scamander helpfully points out "Worrying means suffering twice." 

Cheers, 

Talia 

PS check out this proof I made for the assignment, I'm kind of excited that I was able to finally understand my class work: