Feeling Thankful

I received some exciting news yesterday. I have been admitted to the Master of Arts Program in Comparative Humanities (B.A./M.A. Program for Brandeis Undergraduates) for the 2018-2019 academic year. This is an amazing opportunity for me, and I am very excited for it. The fact that I got into a graduate school program before I finished undergrad is astonishing for me.

Honestly, I never thought I would get this far in life, but I have, and I'm happy here. Imposter Syndrome is real, and although I sometimes have it, I have also realized that I am qualified, and I can do the things that I aspire to. Now that I have come this far, I'm starting to think of ways to give back. I have had so much support from my family, friends, professors, colleagues and more. I know that I would not be here without them. As I look towards my future, I am considering the best ways that I can contribute to the community that I rose from, and how to help other communities grow. If anyone has suggestions, or knows about meaningful causes I'd like to hear about them.

The Weapon we have is love.

Cheers,
Talia

More about the program:
The BA/MA track of the Master of Arts Program in Comparative Humanities (MACH) allows current Brandeis undergraduates to begin the program and join the MACH community in their senior year. The program explores major themes of human experience using comparative and cross-cultural approaches. The program is a means by which to hone research interests, develop communication skills, and gain credentials for a professional career or further graduate studies. It provides opportunities for professional development, intellectual advancement, and preparation for doctoral studies.

Word-for-Sense

The title for this blog is based on a classic and basic issue in translation: word-for-word or sense-for-sense. That said, even though the very name of this blog is based on translation, I haven't really been talking about translation on here. I suppose that is because for me, translation is an intimate process, and I don't always feel comfortable talking about it. It’s probably because of the imposter syndrome I tend to feel about anything and everything I've ever done or do. The feeling is an uncomfortable one, but confidence doesn't come easy for me.

My translations themselves, well, I don't particularly like sharing. I'm always terrified that I have mistranslated something, or that something is somehow 'not right' in ways I'm not fully sure I can explain. I worry that my fluency in Spanish is not good enough for proper translation and find myself hounding down words in dictionaries, picking at the poem until it is nothing but words. I tend to go for very literal translations, keeping faithful to the word, and yet my heart longs for giving instead the sense that comes from such rich poetry. Translating is maddening and sometimes I wonder why I ever thought I could do it, and others I wonder how I could possibly do anything else.

I'm doing an independent study on translation this semester and even though there are only five weeks left of class I haven't sent my professor any poems because I am terrified he will hate them. That said if I don't send him something soon he will probably fail me, so I have resolved to send him at least two poems by Friday, no matter how much I dislike the verse. (My translation I mean, the original poems are gorgeous). The only way I can improve is if I get feedback, but like most people, I am scared of rejection. Everyone fails sometimes, it's a fact of life, but that doesn't make it comfortable.

Imposter Syndrome

I think I did terribly on my last Semantics assignment. Granted, I feel that whenever I turn in any assignment it's terrible (Imposter Syndrome anyone?) but I'm actually pretty scared for the outcome. You see, the problem is that I understood the assignment and what all the questions were asking. Not to mention that I think I came up with satisfactory answers and stated them well. 

So obviously I'm going to fail the assignment. 

Yes, I know that what I said makes no sense, and no that does not change my mind.  

This is the thing about living with anxiety. No matter how well I am doing I constantly wait for something to screw up, because of course then it will and I will be sad and miserable and wail that I brought this upon myself. (I'm a drama queen, just go with it)* To be fair, the whole point of saying this is that I do bring these things on myself. If one expects to fail, they probably will. If I keep worrying about things, I'll never get anything done. Hence, I just submitted my homework and went along on my merry business. Voice in the back of my head is still saying I'm going to fail, but I'm not going to worry about it. As Newt Scamander helpfully points out "Worrying means suffering twice." 

Cheers, 

Talia 

PS check out this proof I made for the assignment, I'm kind of excited that I was able to finally understand my class work: